CURIOUS? HOW TO DO FISTING
HOW TO DO FISTING
Feeling curious? At home Googling "how to do fisting"? Looking forward to getting your feet (I mean hands) wet?
Let Field Day talk you through it.
YES, PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY FISTING!
WARNING: You may accidentally fall in love with fisting
Many people have only heard about fisting from jokes or goofy references, so might get the impression that it’s super fringe or “not really a thing”.
But fisting is an actual real way that people have sex! And yes, you too, can do fisting.
WHY DO PEOPLE LIKE TO DO FISTING?
INTENSITY
Getting fisted is full of intense sensation. Being so filled up means that every movement is felt on all parts of the vaginal walls simultaneously.
INTIMACY
Fitting an entire hand in someone is highly intimate for both parties. It’s an accomplishment that usually takes time and requires partners to mutually creating a sense of care, safety, and trust through verbal and nonverbal communication.
TABOO
People tend to find taboo experiences to be thrilling. Fisting is often associated with kinky and queer sex, which are seen as taboo.
GENDER REASONS
Sometimes people who don’t have penises enjoy being the fister so they can have the experience of inserting an entire body part into their parter.
IT’S HOT
Some people just think it’s hot and like experiencing new things!
IF YOU WANNA DO FISTING, PLAN IN ADVANCE
USE A LOT OF LUBE
For vaginal fisting, we recommend a pH balanced water based lube (gels are nice!) or vagina-friendly oils like coconut oil, olive oil, or oil based-lubes.
Keep your bottle of lube handy because you'll likely want to reapply throughout (and it's tricky to navigate towards the nightstand when your hand is halfway inside of someone).
TRY GIRTHY TOYS FIRST
If you’re researching how to bottom/receive a fist, you can practice on your own or with a partner by training with toys that have increasingly girthy circumferences.
Keep in mind that silicone toys tend to be squishier than hands (you know, bones and all), so it won't end up being exactly the same even if you're using toys the same circumference as your partner's knuckles.
Check out these girthy toys:
- Biird Boo
- Fun Factory Boss
- Avant Borealis Dreams or Midnight Rendezvous
- Fun Factory Big Boss Vibrator
- Dame Com Wand (yeah, you can insert the head)
CONSIDER USING GLOVES
Wearing nitrile gloves for fisting can be great for two main reasons: hygiene and smoothness.
- Gloves protect the vagina from germs and stuff that will mess up pH and vaginal flora
- Gloves help protect the vagina from accidental scratches and microtears that can lead to vaginal infections and irritation
- How to deal with long nails? If you have long nails, add a little bit of tissue or a cotton ball into the tips of the gloves before putting them on.
It's always a great idea to wash your hands before fucking, whether or not you choose to use gloves.
HOW-TO TIPS FOR BOTTOMS
TAKE CARE OF YOUR SKIN
Using genital safe moisturizers like shea butter, coconut oil, or specially formulated products for vulva care helps maintain skin elasticity and helps avoid irritation. You can use moisturizers regularly, and especially before and after you do fisting sesh.
TAKE IT EASY
Don’t push yourself too hard! How quickly you’ll be able to accomplish fisting depends on your and your partner’s anatomy, and for some, it takes a lot of practice and prep.
YOU SET THE LIMITS
Fisting is obviously more physically intense for the bottom. It’s important that you call the shots before, during, and after you do a fisting session.
If consensually relinquishing power and control are part of the sexy and trusting agreements you have with your partner, save that for later. You’ll first want to make sure you’re both well-practiced and know what to expect.
OPENING UP
MUSCLE RELAXATION
Pelvic massage and orgasms are great ways to relax the pelvic floor muscles and help them become more accommodating.
MASSAGE
One way to give pelvic massage that comes from pelvic floor physical therapy:
- Insert 1-2 lubricated fingers into your partner's vagina
- With your partner's help, identify any areas of tension
- Gently apply steady pressure to tense areas while your partner breathes deeply
Tips: For fisting prep, it is helpful to focus on gently stretching the pelvic floor muscles down (towards the rectum) and apart (towards the thighs)
ORGASMS
Orgasms are also incredibly helpful at making the vagina temporarily roomier! Both arousal and orgasm help the vagina lengthen and increase flexibility. See if you can get in an orgasm or two before you try intense penetration.
USE A VIBRATOR
Using a vibrator can help you and your muscles relax. Using a vibrator on the clit during penetration can provide a pleasurable distraction from the intensity of stretching. Using a vibrator inside the vagina prior to fisting can help physically relax the pelvic floor muscles.
POSITIONING
Body positions where the knees are closer together than the ankles help open the pelvic outlet, allowing for easier insertion.
You can achieve this on hands-and-knees, on your back, or on your side. Your partner can help support your legs in these positions, especially when lying on your side.
BEAR DOWN TO OPEN UP
It may feel counter intuitive, but bearing down makes it easier to open your pelvic floor.
Bear down and push your pelvic floor towards your partner when they are inserting their fingers/hand. Bearing down stretches the muscles around your vagina away from each other and widens the pelvic outlet.
GETTING IT IN
Once the receiving partner is adequately prepared (turned on, lubed up, practiced, agreeable), insert as many fingers as they can comfortably envelop.
Go slow, check in, and don’t expect to fully insert the first time you try it! If you’re able to add more than three fingers, form your hand into a cone shape (see Italian hand). Be aware that the widest part of the hand is at the knuckles, so that will be the most challenging part to envelop.
IT’S OKAY TO STOP WHENEVER!
Many people can get four fingers (no thumb) inserted with relative ease compared to the full hand. If that’s where you end up, great—now you have a thumb on the outside for clitoral stimulation!
Or you might find that you’re able to insert all five fingers, but going over the knuckles is too much. No problem! Do what feels right, and stop there for now.
THE KNUCKLES
While you’re spelunking, you’ll notice the vaginal canal is wider and more flexible closer to the cervix compared to vaginal opening. So if you are getting close to a full fist, remember that the knuckles are the widest part.
If you’re able to insert the knuckles, the receiving partner tends to feel relief of pressure at the opening once the knuckles are inserted fully, and the rest of the hand can enter with relative ease.
IF IT HURTS, SLOW DOWN
If at any point you feel a burning sensation at the vaginal opening, you’re probably being stretched too far too quickly. You won’t likely cause serious harm to your vagina, but it’s not necessary to push through that kind of pain (or risk abrasion or bleeding). Plus, pain will make your pelvis more tense, which is counterproductive for fisting!
Instead of pushing onward, try adding more lube and adjusting your positioning to open your pelvis more.
BREATHE INTO THE PELVIS
You can also try deep, focused breathing while you visualize your pelvis opening and relaxing. While you inhale, let the breath that fills you gently push down into your pelvis. Imagine that each exhale is helping you let go of control and relax your pelvic muscles.
Try the deep breathing and relaxation techniques with enough of your parter’s hand inside of you that you feel full, but are not in pain. Experiencing vaginal pain will likely make you more tense and less able to let go and enjoy yourself!
YOU'RE IN...NOW WHAT?
Ultimately, that's for you and your partner to decide! It's truly a fuck around and find out situation. Keep in mind that just simply inserting the hand is extremely intense for many, so regardless of how you decide to continue having sex, it's a good idea to start slow.
SLOW
Some bottoms/receivers prefer their partner to keep their hand still or move only very slightly. The sensation of fullness may be satisfaction enough on its own. They may enjoy flexing and squeezing their pelvic floor muscles around the fist and showing off how strong and awesome their vagina is.
MEDIUM
Some bottoms/receivers may enjoy fisting movement with the hand still fully enveloped in the vagina, rather than sliding the hand in and out.
You can try closing your fingers and forming your Italian-hand-gesture into an actual fist. Or expanding your fingers apart. Or more of a "fucking" movement, rocking your hand and/or partner forward and back. Topping, but not sure what to do? Ask your partner if they wanna fuck your hand in the way that feels best to them.
MOST INTENSE
If your partner is well-practiced at fisting or inserting larger objects (and they're very lubed up), they may enjoy feeling your fist slide in and out of them.
This is a pretty extreme sensation, and isn't going to work for everyone, especially those just starting out. It’s cool if you’re a bottom who is into extreme sensation! But not everybody is, so it’s a good idea if folks don’t expect to fuck the way it works in porn (porn stars are experts after all!)
WHEN YOU DECIDE YOU’RE DONE
Whenever either of you decide you’re done with the fisting part of your day, it’s a good idea to remove the hand SLOWLY!
For the top, let your hand go as limp as possible when you’re removing it. For the bottom, it might be most comfortable for you to try bearing down and pushing your partners hand out, rather than them actively pulling.
Removal echos the same concepts as insertion: go slow, add lube if you feel friction, use your relaxation techniques if you feel tension. And don’t panic! You definitely will be able to take that hand out even if it feels tense, and you are not gonna turn your vagina inside out.
AFTERCARE
Aftercare is the word people use to describe the transitional time between sex and returning to the rest of your life. Aftercare usually involves some type of connection between partners, AKA not just rolling over and going to sleep.
Aftercare is something most people practice, even if they don’t call it that! Maybe you cuddle or kiss. Maybe you talk about what you liked or didn’t like about your sexual experience. Maybe you tell each other jokes after you take turns peeing. Maybe you need a little quiet time or need some physical space.
Like everything else, different people have different needs, and some needs are more compatible than others.
IF YOU'RE GETTING EXTRA FREAKY, TAKE TIME FOR EXTRA CARE
If you’re having especially intense sex, it’s an especially good idea to check in with your partner to see what emotional or physical aftercare needs they may have. See what needs you can assist with.
Aftercare is for everyone, so that goes for all partners, whether you’re topping or bottoming!
TIPS ON COMMUNICATION
Fisting is intense. Strategizing together in advance about how to communicate will help ensure a positive experience for both of you!
RECEIVING
- It can be helpful to use words like PAUSE and OUT (instead of STOP) to make your specific needs clearer
- Let your partner know what cues look for (e.g., “If I get super quiet, please check in with me.”)
- You are responsible for communicating your needs to your partner
GIVING
- If you are unsure about your partner’s signals, it’s a good idea to PAUSE and check in
- Make yourself aware of your partner’s verbal and nonverbal communication strategies
- You are responsible for listening, watching, and attuning to the needs of your partner